My Story: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & Secondary Infertility

Throughout my postpartum period with my firstborn, I felt like I was living in a fog. I had no energy, I felt lethargic, I was always tired… I needed coffee and a nap to get through every day. I woke up every day more tired than the previous day. No amount of sleeping or “relaxing” ever seemed to make a dent. I thought this was normal. I was a new mom, babies are hard work…

Now that I’ve made it out the other side of the tunnel, I can tell you one thing looking back: this is NOT normal, but it is common.

Leading up to my son’s first birthday, I felt pressure to hurry up with baby number two. I wanted children close in age, so they could have more years to “play together” before the school years started. My brother and I were two years apart in age, and I felt that this time or less was ideal. My body was certainly not ready for this, but again — I thought my symptoms were normal. People I was pregnant with began announcing their second pregnancies, and then my sense of urgency increased because I felt behind.

Loss #1

Regardless, we conceived around 14 months postpartum on my first cycle. I could tell something was wrong, but since I was still nursing, every medical professional I consulted brushed me off and made me to feel like a hypochondriac. I continued to call my doctor, book appointments, and more — I had been bleeding since I found out I was pregnant but I continually was told that this was nothing more than “breastfeeding hormones”.

After several weeks of this, medical professionals started to get a little curious. They ordered HCG level testing blood draws and a dating scan. My hormones were supposedly rising within the realm of “normal”, but the slow end of normal. On ultrasound, the nurse practitioner could not see anything. This was the earliest appointment option, so I was not with my regular doctor. I was scolded for “coming in too early” and “wasting her time”. Despite my protests, she didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. I knew that based on my most recent HCG level and the week of pregnancy I had entered, she should have been able to find something on the ultrasound. I assumed she was careless and just missed it. Turns out, my baby had implanted in my fallopian tube, and it was a medical emergency.

Later that night, my doctor called and asked me to urgently report to the Radiology department so that they could do an ultrasound. My third blood draw showed that my HCG levels had not increased at the rate they should have. In fact, they went up, but only a small amount. This is a diagnostic red flag for ectopic. They were finally starting to take me seriously. I went to Radiology, and at first didn’t see anything. I indicated where I was feeling a stabbing pain and twisting motion, so the radiologist scanned me one more time, and her face went white as a ghost. She told me that she had found something and she was not allowed to talk to me about it, but she needed to go consult with the Emergency Room before allowing me to leave.

The ER doctor came to Radiology and gave me my diagnosis of ectopic, but told me to go home and wait for a phone call because “the hospital is a dangerous place with COVID” (this happened August 2020). So, we headed home, devastated and also angry because Kaiser had made every aspect of an already horrible thing so much worse.

As we were driving home, we got another phone call from Kaiser. Somehow, the on-call OBGYN in Labor and Delivery heard about my case through the hospital gossip mill, and she told me that she pulled up my record and my scans and that I needed to turn around and head straight to the ER because I had a medical emergency on my hand. If I went home to wait, I could die. My husband was absolutely terrified and absolutely furious that the ER doctor decided that rolling the dice on a life-threatening medical emergency was worth the abstract risk of possibly catching COVID.

I arrived at the hospital, and they did NOT allow my husband in with me. Again, because of a ridiculous COVID policy (barring my husband from entry when he and I have the exact same exposure status) felt extremely violating and extremely ineffective. So, I was put under and operated on, and he sat in the dark in the parking lot in the middle of the night wondering if I would be okay. It was horrible, it was traumatic, and it was inexcusable.

I was admitted to the hospital thinking I would take a chemotherapy drug in order to save my fallopian tube, but instead, my fallopian tube was removed via surgery. I believe that this contributed to my cascading hormonal issues as my body attempted to heal from that, but I’ll never know for sure.

Loss #2

After giving my body six months to heal, we were anxious to try again but fearful of what could happen. After consulting with my doctor, we quickly conceived again. This time, I could tell it was different. There wasn’t any bleeding, and my hormones seemed to be at the appropriate level, because I was flat on my back exhausted the entire first trimester. Unfortunately, that baby did not make it and we had an early second trimester miscarriage. I struggled with wondering what happened, if it was my fault, if we would have had another son or a daughter, and if another baby could ever happen for us. It certainly felt like I was going to die trying.

My miscarriage was a missed miscarriage, which means that it was identified via ultrasound because my body did not identify that the baby had passed. After a few more weeks of waiting, I was urged to take a medication to start the process and told it would “cause my period to start”. However, I experienced extreme cramping, dilating, and more. It was quite horrific, and I was not adequately or properly informed on what to expect. It was exactly like giving birth.

Subsequent Losses

From that point on, I had a string of early losses. I honestly lost count, but I think it was four additional early miscarriages. Something was clearly wrong. I could conceive, but I could not stay pregnant. I hoped that I could get some answers with testing, or maybe even medication, but it was futile. I received a diagnosis of “unexplained infertility”, which felt a bit like a slap in the face. Insurance won’t authorize meaningful tests, and since we aren’t testing the right things, you’re fertility can’t be explained. Since you have a diagnosis, no matter how crappy it might be, your case is closed.

Unexplained Secondary Infertility

After getting no help from modern medicine, I turned to nutrition to balance my hormones and heal my body. I did so by following the guidance from Instagram accounts like @ttcnutritionist, @yourfertility.yourfuture, @functionalfertility, and more. I decided that this was the best option for me to pursue while we saved up money to hire a functional doctor or naturopathic doctor.

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